All I Want For Christmas Is
by hellointernet
Summary: ...to stalk you and Chopper instead of preparing for the party? ("But Sanji," Luffy whined. "It'll be fun! It could be like an adventure!" "Stalking someone is not an adventure!" Sanji snapped.)


"What are you guys doing?"

The voice was not entirely suspicious, more amused and warm. Sanji and Zoro jumped apart like two kids caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Then, they quickly realized that the voice was not coming from the general direction of the cabins or the galley.

The cook grounded his heel into the grass, ready to take on an unknown enemy. A _shick_ was heard and the glint of Wado shone in the moonlight.

"Chill guys," the voice continued, definitely amused. It paused then added. "Down here."

Both crew members looked down to see Fire Fist Ace, the brother of their very own stretchy captain.

"Hey. How's it going?"

Sanji was the first to recover. "Don't you 'Hey' me," he snapped. "What are you doing here?"

Zoro was quick on the uptake. "Obviously visiting," he drawled. "You really must be blind under all that hair."

The blond kicked him in the shins, before addressing Ace. "You coming up or what?"

The freckled man grinned, teeth pearly white against the shiny black of the ocean. Then that disappeared below the rim of the hat as the man jumped up onto the ship. He tilted up the hat with a burning finger.

Show off.

"So, what were you guys talking about?"

And before the suited man can stop him, the green haired replied, "Cook's being nag-gy about how I'm _not_ going to fuck up distracting Chopper for his birthday tomorrow." He gave Sanji a pointed look.

The kick would've knocked the man full in the teeth if said man had not ducked. "You idiot! Stop being so effing loud."

"You're the one being loud."

"You weren't supposed to tell anyone, dumbass!"

"Well, he asked."

"If it helps, I swear I'm not going to tell anyone," Fire Fist cut through the budding argument. He draws an imaginary zip across his mouth. "Locked with seastone key." The man mimed dropping the 'key' into the water.

"There you go. Fire Fist gave you his word," Zoro grumbled.

"So, it's the little tanuki's birthday tomorrow?"

"Reindeer," both Straw Hat members correct automatically.

"Right. Remind me to buy him a present." He held up a rope tied to his wrist. "Is there anywhere I can tie my skiff? Maybe use one of you as an anchor?" the Whitebeard Pirate joked

But by the look on Zoro's face, he was seriously considering being an anchor. Probably some bullshit about testing his power against the forces of nature.

Sanji kicked him in the head for even thinking about it. Stupid.

The cook snatched the rope from Ace's hand. "Give me that," he snapped, giving the swordsman the stink eye. "Have to do every bloody little thing here."

"Is he – "

"Nah. Just being his prissy little Prince of Retar – "

Another attempt-kick silenced the green haired.

"You know what? You two dumbasses stay here. I'm going to go call Luffy. Tell him his idiot brother literally popped out of the blue," Sanji turned to leave. He muttered under his breath. "Another bottomless pit to feed."

He's quickly stopped by a warm hand on his shoulder. "Ah, I was hoping this would be a surprise visit. You know, more like 'Surprise Lu! I'm here for Christmas! Where's breakfast?!'" The man paused. "And Chopper's birthday party, it seems."

A snort came from behind them. "Yeah, don't blame us if you get punched in the face."

"Luffy now punches people in the face when he's woken up?" Ace looked startled, as if his little brother would never punch people in the face.

"No. He's more 'Where's the food?' and grabs everything in vicinity. It's Franky you have to worry about. He's been experimenting and now, that right hook of his tends to go off when he's surprised, especially when he's pulled in by a rubber arm," Zoro explained. After a thought, he added. "And maybe watch out for the Tabasco sauce. Usopp's reflexes got faster."

The freckled man mulled over the tidbit of information thoughtfully.

"Alright. Whatever. Ace, let's go. You can, uh, I suppose you can sleep in the marimo's bed tonight. He's got the first watch anyway," Sanji beckoned to the dark haired. He ignored the protest of _"Oi! He's going to burn my bed!"_.

"Ah, thanks but I think I'll stay out here. Maybe keep swordsman-san company. Might ruin the surprise if Luffy caught me."

"If that's what you want. I suppose…," the blond hesitated before heading towards the quarters

The other two headed up to the crow's nest. Then Sanji turned. He pointed a finger at the guest.

"Oh and Fire Fist, don't even _think_ about raiding the fridge."

* * *

><p>Next morning, as predicted by Zoro, Ace did get punched in the face. And blinded by Franky's Nipple Lights because apparently, he had also been fiddling around with his nipples (okay, that sounded wrong). Then the cannon went off. Luckily, he dodged the Tabasco sauce before conking out due to his narcolepsy.<p>

As Ace barged into the room at 3 goddamn 30 in the morning (because apparently, he can't be bothered to wait 4 more hours), he screamed, "Surprise Lu! I'm here for Christmas! Let's go get food!"

Luffy, of course in Luffy-fashion, buried his face in his pillow and mumbled, "Five more minutes, Ace. It's too early."

Sanji grumbled consent to the last part. It was way too early. He only got 4 hours of sleep.

And then the captain realized what was actually going on and he bolted right up. "Ace? _Ace_? Ace! ACE!"

The rubber boy grinned his ear splitting grin before grabbing onto the suspension lines. He drew himself back, bumping into Brook who let out an alarming rattle.

"No, no, NO! LUFFY, NO!" Franky shouted from the bottom bunk below Brook.

"Whut?" Chopper blearily looked up from beside Usopp.

"Abort! Abort! Enemy attacking!" Usopp screamed in a half-asleep state. He fumbled around for his bag.

"Oh, shit. Luffy, don't! Wait a minute," Ace cried out in alarm.

Luffy ignored everything and let go, flying over Sanji and rocking the wooden bed-hammocks violently.

"Argh! I said don't," the older groaned from under, tangled in a web of rubbery limbs.

"Shishishi," the straw-hatted boy laughed. "Hi, Ace." He disentangled himself.

"I keep telling you, we should bolt the beds to the wall! The idiot's going to keep doing this and we're going to get knocked around worse than last week's storm!" the blond yelled across to Franky.

However, the cyborg wasn't listening. He was flailing around, trying to catch his balance. He fell flat onto the middle bottom bed, arms stretched out and bumped into Usopp.

"Shit," the blue haired cursed and rolled. That was the only warning Ace got before Franky's right fist hit his face full force. Or would have if the dark haired's face hadn't dissolved into fire.

Franky sat up. "Dude, I am so sorry. Wait, wha – "

Fire Fist let out an inhuman scream and grabbed at his eyes. "ARGH! What is this torture?!"

"What?" Then the cyborg realized what happened. His 'Franky Nipple Light' had accidentally came on, blinding the famous pirate. "Shit, shit, shit."

He patted his chest as one might try to put out a fire. Then he realized he could just turn off the lights.

The sharpshooter fumbled around with his bag, still disoriented. "Tokusei Tabasco Boshi!"

The reindeer doctor clung to the long-nose's arm. "Wait!"

Luckily Ace was already dropping to the floor, clutching his eyes. "My eyes! My eyes! I'm blinded for Christmas!"

Luffy let out a hearty laugh as the Tokusei Tabasco Boshi flew past him, Zoro and the door. It splattered onto wall across.

"Usopp-bro! You know that doesn't wash off!" Franky cried in dismay, launching himself off the bed.

Chopper, unbalanced by this sudden movement, flew off the sharpshooter's arm and hit the cannon control by the side.

"Oops?" the curly-haired man offered in response to both reactions.

_Boom!_

The cannon went off. Sanji seriously hoped there wasn't some innocent ship, especially a Marine, out there.

He fumed. "You!" He pointed a finger at the yawning green haired at the entrance. "Why the fuck did you bring him here? Wait until the morning!"

"Ha?" Zoro glared. "My shift's over. And _he_ – " here he toed the writhing figure on the floor who let out a yelp " – decided he couldn't wait to see Luffy. Not my fault he followed me to here."

"You _knew_ this would happen," he hissed.

"Stop trying to blame this on me. You're the one who agreed to keep him a secret."

"Yohohoho! What a festive morning!" Brook declared from his spot, already bringing out his violin.

"What happened?" the doctor of the crew asked around dazedly.

"What is with all the ruckus in here?! It's not even dawn yet. It's – it's – " Nami came bursting in, punching the first person she saw, which happened to be Zoro. Sanji took satisfaction in that.

"3:45 in the morning," Robin offered as she trailed after the redhead.

"It's 3:45 in the morning! The sun isn't up yet and won't be until 3 more hours! What are you dunderheads doing?!" the navigator yelled, stomping into the room.

"Oh, Nami-swan! It's nothing! Just – "

"OW! My hand! Don't stomp on my hand, woman!" Ace screamed in agony, now cradling his hand. He hadn't been fast enough to dodge that attack.

"Wha – Ace? What are you doing here?" Nami scrunched her eyebrows, puzzled.

"Nami-swan looks absolutely ethereal when she's confused!" the blond cried, momentarily forgetting his ire against the swordsman and the captain.

"I think Fire Fist Ace-san is visiting captain-san," the dark haired woman yawned delicately.

"And Robin-chwan is so smart! Even at this ungodly hour!" the cook yelled over the chaos of the room. He blatantly ignored the jaunty tune of… Christmas songs? It was hard to tell over the noise of Franky and Usopp squabbling as they try to fix the bigger's various malfunctioning limbs.

"Shut up, cook! You're being too loud," Zoro grumbled, moving for his bed.

How could anyone think of sleeping when there was a Franky's Strong Right was shooting off and the stomach panel was flapping open in an indecent show of the Coke bottles inside? Not to mention the hands sprouting on the floor, helping a blue nosed reindeer up and the ominous sparks that flew off Nami-swan's Clima-Tact that made her bedhead even worse.

Not that Nami-swan didn't look beautiful with a bedhead.

And then Ace fell flat on his face and snored. Everyone paused from their activities.

"Shishishi! Ace fell asleep!" Luffy laughed as if he found everything funny. Which he did.

* * *

><p>Sanji was crankily preparing his ingredients. He didn't get enough sleep because Luffy insisted that since they were awake anyway, they might as well have a dance party. And draw on Ace's face.<p>

The only two who was asleep during the affair was the narcoleptic dumbass of a brother and the freak-of-nature-because-who-the-hell-can-sleep-through-Straw-Hat-disco-night/morning idiot swordsman.

"Yo." And speak of the devil and he shall arrive. It was Ace.

"What?" the blond snapped. He glared at the fire-man (literally) before turning back to chop the strawberries into thin slices.

The other grinned sheepishly. "I was wondering if you have any breakfast. Kind of missed out on it."

Sanji sighed. "Figures. You D brothers." He dried off his hands and moved to the fridge and entered the passcode. "Saved yo – well, actually, made some more for you since I couldn't save a scrap of food from you idiot little brother's grabby hands."

The infamous pirate gave a warm laugh. "Damn, man. Thank you for the food." He dug in with gusto, the pile of pancakes disappearing right after another.

The cook went back to his preparations. Strawberries? Check. Melting chocolate? Check. Honey? Check. Caramel? Che –

"What are you doing?"

The question startled him and he almost dropped the box of cupcakes. He turned slowly and guiltily, to see Ace pointing at him with a fork. At least he was using a fork.

"Nothing."

The other shoved some more pancakes into his bulging mouth before raising his left brow skeptically. "You're doing nothing? All this – " here he waved his fork like a fairy godmother's wand " – is for 'nothing'?"

Stupid brain for not thinking of a believable lie. And stupid mouth for shooting off on its own.

"I mean, don't you have time later in the afternoon? To prepare for the party? Zoro's the only one going out to distract Chopper. You've got time."

"…yeah, well – wait who told you about this?" Sanji demanded.

"Uh, Usopp briefed me on it?"

The blond groaned. "With blabbermouths like all of them, I wouldn't be surprised if Chopper finds out about this."

"Sooo… what's with the baking mania? Aren't cupcakes supposed to taste best fresh out of the oven?"

"Nope, these one taste best after a while in the fridge. They've got mint in it so the coldness hits your tongue like voila, you have minty cupcakes that compliments the chocolate inside of the strawberry cake I'm preparing," Sanji explained.

Ace nodded sagely as if he understood everything. All he heard was 'delicious cupcakes and even better cake'. "But that still doesn't explain why you're making these right now."

"It's… I'm… uh…."

Oh screw it, his brain supplied. Just tell him the truth.

"I'm preparing right now so that when I come back, I can just toss everything in when I get back from stal – follow Zoro and Chopper because we all know that dumbass's going to mess up and Chopper's going to have a fucked up day with a random surprise party at the end and he's not going to be as happy as he should be so I'm going to sta – follow them and make sure the marimo doesn't mess up and then when I get back, I'll have cake done in a jiffy." It came out in a rushed jumble. Sanji waited with bated breath for the response.

The tattooed man nodded slowly, scraping whatever syrup was left (at least he wasn't licking the plate clean like their idiot captain did). "And you can bake a cake in… say whatever time you've got left?"

Blue eyes met brown defiantly. "Yes."

Another arched left brow. The blond briefly wondered if the man can't raise the right. "Even if it's 5 seconds?"

"…I'll make sure I have enough time to bake a cake," Sanji conceded. Then his eyes hardened in a challenge. "But I can prepare the mixture in 5 seconds."

Ace didn't get the chance to reply because at the moment, Luffy poked his head in. "Sanji, you have more food?"

"Idiot! You had breakfast. And the snack after breakfast just a moment ago!"

"But I'm hungry! Robin says it's not my fault my meta – metal – metalis – metalness is too fast!"

"Metabolism?" the blond supplied dryly.

"I just ate all the food," Luffy's brother declared, belching loud.

"Ace," the other whined and pouted.

"Fine, fine. I'll prepare you some food. But make it last until lunch," the blond cook moved to the stove.

"Can you make some for me too?" Ace also turned on his puppy eyes.

"Ugh, I swear, with you two on board, we'll be run out of ship and vessel."

"Shishishi. So what are you guys doing?"

"Your brother came in to eat."

"Sanji's going to bake a cake in 5 seconds," the Fire Fist declared boldly, grinning.

"Oooo," the captain's eyes turned to stars in amazement. "Really?"

The blond smacked his forehead. While most of the time, the whole crew can't believe that Ace was related (albeit adopted) to their idiot meat-loving captain. But then there were also times like these where Ace would make a comment that was just _so_ Luffy.

This was one of those times.

"That's not necessary true. Time is still needed for the cake to bake," Sanji denied.

The freckled man ignored him, instead adding as an afterthought. "And he's going to stalk Zoro and Chopper as they go out."

Luffy cocked his head in innocent confusion. "Why would you do that?"

"You're not supposed to tell him that!" Sanji's leg was already going for the kill before stilling an inch from Ace's head as he remembered that he was a guest.

He coughed awkwardly, unsure of what to do.

The other, to his credit, only raised another brow (the left one again) before bumping his head against the foot in good humor

The younger D brother ignored all this, staring at the sizzling pan. "Sounds fun. Zoro's going to leave with Chopper soon. We can go after I finish this."

The cook sighed heavily. "Of course, you just _have_ to fini – wait, what?"

Luffy looked at him, all innocent big brown eyes and scar underneath. "I have to finish the food?"

"No, no, no. What did you say before that?" Sanji demanded, pointing the spatula in his face. "And no, don't you lick that!" He quickly moved it out of the way.

"Um…," the straw hatted boy looked at his brother for help. "What did I say again?"

"We were going to go after the swordsman and the little reindeer with your cook?" This one also had a dreamy look on his face as he stared towards the pan.

D's, he swear.

Then he realized the full force of what Ace said. "WHAT?! No! _You _– " he pointed at his captain "– and _you_ – " he stabbed the spatula full force towards the other man "are not coming along. You are not to speak of this, are not going to run out screaming it, or even come after me, all – "

"But Sanji," Luffy whined. "It'll be fun! It could be like an adventure!"

"Stalking someone is not an adventure!" Sanji snapped.

"Aww, but the whole crew could come! And Nami's needs to go out to town anyway to get that cotton candy machine and Franky just broke his hammer because his hand malfunctioned. Usopp's complaining about needing more paint and – mmh!"

"Idiot, do you want to get our cover blown? Do you want Chopper to find out about all this?" he hissed, blue eyes lit on fire.

"No?" the idiot answered uncertainly.

"That was rhetorical."

"Then it's decided? We're all going?" Ace brought them back to the topic.

"Yup! Captain's order!" Luffy grinned, grabbing for the pan. He wrestled it away and then dashed out the door.

"Idiot! No!" Sanji groaned. "That's the fifth pan he took out of the kitchen. They always come back ruined _somehow_. With tar, with paint, and once dropped into the ocean for goodness sake."

"Hey, you could always buy more pans during our stalking trip, right?"

"And he uses 'captain orders' for the most idiotic things. Ugh."

"Well, that's my little brother for you," Ace smiled. Then he realized what actually happened and ran out after his brother. "Luffy! You gotta share too!"

* * *

><p>"What are you wearing?" Sanji squawked at the horrendous attire the D brothers were sporting. Luffy had on a hideous red Hawaiian shirt with loud yellow flamingoes while Ace had covered himself up with (well, as much as he could cover himself. He left the buttons unbuttoned) a dark blue one with large pink and orange hibiscuses.<p>

The cook wondered if those came out from Franky's closet.

"Disguise," Luffy said plainly. "Going after someone means disguises. Where's yours, Sanji?"

"I'm wearing one."

A pause then, "Where?" The rubber boy stretched his neck to give a 360 look over Sanij.

"I'm wearing all black." He even had sunglasses tucked inside.

"Shishishi," the idiot laughed. "But you always wear black, Sanji."

"No, I don't."

"Yeah, you do. You're always in those suits. Man, I don't understand how you can stand not wearing any red."

"While Luffy's second point is totally irrelevant, his first is right. Where's your disguise?" Ace looked at him with eyes that practically said not wearing a disguise on a stalking trip was unforgivable.

"It's right here!" Sanji screamed, pointing right at his chest. "Look! It's all black! Black shirt, black tie!"

"Ah," Fire Fist peered at it with scrutiny. "No, no, that won't do at all."

"What?"

He got a fiery finger for his trouble. "You think we're going a secret agent mission? No, we're doing some – " here he got extremely loud as Zoro and Chopper passed by " – shopping to do and we're not going to do anything else."

Goodness, he was as bad as his brother when it comes to lying. The swordsman and the doctor merely gave an amused passing glance.

"And you think this is a game? You think we're going to some snooping around?"

Uh, yes.

"You think you're going to pass with that prissy suit of yours?"

Saniji bristled at the mention of his suit.

Ace merely shook his head, disappointed. "You need to start thinking. If you're going to go on a stalking mission, in the middle of the town, you're going to need – " here he gave a dramatic pause and the blond prayed with all his heart that it's not what he thought the other was going to say. "– Hawaiian shirts."

It was what he thought Fire Fist was going to say.

"Yeah! It makes it more fun-ner!"

"Luffy, Ace, I'm not going to wear Hawaiian shirts."

"Hawaiian shirts are necessary! They're the bane of every snooping mission!"

Ace selectively chose not to mention that those missions were led by their crude Gramps with terrible fashion sense and they were caught almost every time.

"Aw, but Sanji," Luffy whined. "Everyone's going to be wearing it!"

"Argh. Have you coerced everyone, even Nami-swan and Robin-chwan to take part in this atrocious scheme?"

"Ha? Coe – coey? Atro – astro? What?"

The older brother gave the cook an amused look, as if to say, 'Look, you broke him.' Then he explained.

"Coerced. It means to bully someone into doing something. And 'atrocious' means bad."

"Eh?! But I didn't bully them! I just said – "

"Insisted," the orange hatted man coughed.

" – that they should wear Hawaiian shirts. Because it's super cool and all bright colors and awesome patterns! Plus, we'll totally blend in with the townspeople!"

"Totally," Sanji muttered under his breath. "Well, I suppose it can't be helped. Since Nami-swan and Robin-chwan are also wearing it."

If they had to suffer through the shame, then he wasn't going to leave them alone. He'll join their suffering as they're clad in brightly colored… _things_ that shouldn't be allowed to call 'shirts'.

* * *

><p>After they were sure that Chopper and Zoro had left, the whole crew assembled, wearing the… crimes to humanity. Sanji himself was forced into baby blue shirt with pumpkin colored chickens and crimson beaks.<p>

Usopp was clad in a hideous chartreuse shirt with bright purple clown fish. Robin-chwan was sporting a rather tasteful violet shirt with white lilies (well, as much as one can be tasteful in a Hawaiian shirt). Nami-swan was wearing a glaringly radiant orange (best description he could come up with) one with turquoise turtles. Brook had lost his formal attire and ruffles for a bright blue shirt with large orange flowers that somehow matched and clashed with his frivolous pants.

Even Franky had ditched his usual tropical monstrosity for an even more hideous bright pink _thing_ with lime green yachts. It was a sight to see and not exactly positive.

They lined up like the military, precise and ready to be in action. That is, stalking two members of their own crew.

"All right crew! We have an important mission! A plan!"

"I can't believe you guys all agreed to this," the blond groaned into his hands, partly in exasperation (because this was supposed to be a solo mission, _goddamnit_!) and partly in embarrassment. "Don't you guys have your own preparations to do?"

"Nope, we're almost done!" Luffy whooped. "We've got decorations ready and all we need to do is to put them up."

Obviously he had never put up decorations, especially with a special hyperactive monkey around.

"I think it's a great idea. Puts a bit of excitement in our lives," Robin smiled, looking entirely too comfortable in her shirt.

"Robin-chwan is so sensible!"

"Well, whatever. Captain orders are orders," Nami flicked dirt from her nails. "But don't think I'm going to help you guys with this… investigation. I'm just going along because I have my own things to do in town."

"And Nami-swan is perfectly practical!"

"This will be a SUPER way to spend the day! I'm just finished the machine before I broke my hammer. I can't wait to see what Zoro-bro and Chopper-bro get up to," Franky struck a pose, too pleased to be on this trip. Probably because his crew was expanding their horizons to hideous Hawaiian shirts.

"Yohohoho! I'm trembling with excitement! Can't you hear my old bones rattling?" Brook pranced around, breaking formation.

"All I hear is your ribs breaking if you don't shut up," Sanji muttered under his breath. He should've just stuck with the lie, no matter how ridiculous it was.

"All right troops, listen up!" Ace started, using his commander voice.

"Let's go!" Luffy yelled over him, already leaping out of the ship in true Luffy fashion.

"Oi, you monkey! Come back!" the older brother vaulted over and ran after him.

D brothers.

"Well, alright. Sanji-kun will follow Zoro and Chopper. The rest of you are going to do your own business. I will go rent the cotton candy machine and Franky, make sure your snow machine doesn't blow up. Then afterwards, we'll catch up with him with your baby Den Den Mushis. Clear?"

"Yes, Nami-swan!" the blond swooned, ignoring the fact that this was really a ridiculous plan.

"Disperse!"

All the Straw Hats left, going in different directions to take care of their business first.

* * *

><p>Sanji took to choosing a random path, trying to think like the marimo swordsman who always got lost. After a while, he gave up thinking altogether because he was pretty sure the other walked without thinking.<p>

It was only by pure luck that he found Ace and Luffy huddling in an alley, in a very stalker-like way as they whispered about the man and the reindeer a few feet away. The first thing he did was hit both of them on the head partly because they ran off and partly because they should stalk in a less obvious way.

The blond idly wondered who taught them stealth. (Garp.)

"Look, look. They went through the store!"

The excited whisper sent a few odd glances towards them. It was probably the most excitement this sleepy town had in a decade. Probably the oddest spectacle in the history of spectacles.

A group of boys clad in horrendous shirts huddling as they stared at a store.

"You're not supposed to do this," Sanji hissed, never taking his eyes off the entrance of the shop. You never know when the marimo was going to come out and disappear.

"We're not?" Luffy asked, eyes wide.

"We're stalking someone. Of course we're supposed to do this," Ace argued.

"You're not supposed to make it so obvious!"

Really, they should have more sense.

"Alright, Luffy. We're going to listen to Sanji-sensei," the Fire Fist declared.

Sanji was appalled. First he was coerced into wearing to this monstrosity and now he was being called 'sensei' like it was all his idea (well, that bit was true but that was hardly the point) and he was to lead. Like he was _experienced_ in this… stalking business! Which he wasn't. (Well, hardly. That one episode with the watermelon, a couple of lemons, the lamp and his failure to do the salsa did not count.)

Somewhere along the way between the bookstore and the vendor selling cat toys, Usopp and Franky joined them, attracting even more attention. Who could ignore a guy with was permanently echoed with the sounds of cans of paint dropping down, not to mention the cyborg with the crazy, plaited blue hair and bulging arms (if they could even be called that anymore).

Then the sharpshooter almost blown their cover when a hand from the wall tapped his shoulder and he let out a shriek. Ah, Robin-chwan's so mischievous.

In the alley, where everyone and their pigeons turned to look at the chartreuse shirted man, Nami-swan and Robin-chwan joined them. And at the next street corner, they had to drag away Brook from where he was preforming. Nami-swan was delighted when she saw beri coins in the giant crown hat.

Oh, how she looks magnificent when her eyes turned into beri.

Now, how to get rid of that stupid crown hat that everyone can see for miles and miles.

* * *

><p>"Do they seriously think we won't notice them following us?" Zoro asked, sighing heavily.<p>

Don't they all have something to do? Like preparing a party. If they were finished, why did he have to distract Chopper? Not that he minded. The little doctor was good company.

The reindeer giggled. "They're having fun right? Ah, should we join them?"

The green haired paused. The doctor did look like he wanted to be part of the fun. And it was his birthday. But letting him join would ruin all the planning and the party (if there was going to be seeing as the rest of the idiots were just following them).

Shit, he was in a pickle.

Then he grinned.

"Tell you what, let's play a game. Let's see how well they can hide."

"Eh?"

"Come here," the swordsman gestured. He whispered his plan.

Chopper giggled again.

A flower petal fell from the wall nearby.

* * *

><p>"What are they doing?" Sanji signaled for the rest of them to hush. Except for Nami-swan and Robin-chwan of course. They can talk their hearts out with their lovely voices if they want!<p>

"They're… shopping?" the redhead answered incredulously. Since when did Zoro buy clothes? Or even bother going into clothing store unless he absolutely has to (meaning when his clothes were in tatters and there really was no hope of sewing them back up).

"Why would they do that? Food's much better. You can't eat clothes," Luffy pondered. To him, this was _the_ question, the question equivalent to 'What is life?' or the secret of the universe.

"Well, technically you could," Ace started. "I mean, I distinctly recall you chewing on my shirt when we failed to defeat that crocodile. And – "

"Hey, hey, hey! They're coming out!" Usopp frantically gestured to all of them. "They just bought – "

"OW!" Franky struck a pose. If any bystander was looking, they would see two giant blocks sticking out the cramped alley. He was quickly snatched back in by his crewmates. "Zoro-bro and Chopper-bro look SUPER! Go Hawaiian shirts!"

The swordsman had ditched his coat and was wearing a dark green shirt with sandy colored whales, opened at the front. His swords were tucked into his haramaki. His tiny companion was wearing a light pink shirt with blue ice cream cones that matched his hat.

"Are they mocking us?" Sanji scowled. "Wait, but if they are, then we'd already been found out!"

"Eek! Abort mission! Abort mission! Zoro's going to kill us!" the sharpshooter ran around in circles in panic.

Robin smiled. They _had_ already been found out. But no good dashing their hopes, right?

"I think it's just a rather… bonding… thing," she said elusively. "I'm sure it's just to remember the occasion."

"Uwa! Robin-chwan's so smart! Of course the idiot marimo doesn't know. He's too dumb!" the blond cried in happiness.

Ace looked at the archaeologist skeptically. She smiled back, tilting her head towards the cheerful crew at the fact that they weren't found out (except Nami who guessed the truth and was sighing).

"Ah, can't be helped, I suppose. Older siblings have to take care of the younger," the Fire Fist muttered as he stretched his arms.

"Na, what was that, Ace?"

"Nothing, nothing. We should get moving. We're going to lose them," he patted the straw hat.

Nami gave a few selective mumbles about a certain swordsman getting lost.

* * *

><p>"Guys, can you shut the hell up?!" the cook squinted above his menu to the pair across the street. They had chosen a table by the window in the restaurant and were in clear view of the other Straw Hats. "Except for you, Na –"<p>

"Yes, yes. Except for us two. We know," Nami waved dismissively. She too was focused on the restaurant across.

The Straw Hats themselves were at an open café, hiding behind ratty menus.

"I think they just ordered cake!" Luffy announced. "I think I should go over there to make sure it tastes good."

He was already drooling, hands reaching out.

"Oi, Lu! We're supposed to be – you know what? Why don't you order something?" Ace grabbed his brother's waist, wrestling him in place.

"Shit, hide! I think they spotted us!" Usopp whisper-yelled a warning.

Everyone quickly put up their menus. It didn't really do anything since everyone could see the giant crown of the skeleton's, the famous straw hat, Franky's huge looks-like-they-belong-in-a-factory-arms, Usopp's afro and Ace's orange hat. Not to mention, their Hawaiian shirts attracting much attention (usually burning people's eyes out).

"Is it safe?" Sanji peered out, relieved to see the pair was still there. They were eating a hearty meal of sandwiches, cake and something that looked like juice. It better be juice and not sake. Chopper was underage!

Luffy wasn't paying attention. He was earnestly buried in his menu, eyes browsing page after page.

"Man, these all look so good! Let's have a double of everything!"

He was immediately hit by Nami, a bruise forming.

"You idiot! You think we have the money to afford all of it?"

"Don't we?"

"NO!"

* * *

><p>"How's the sandwich?" Zoro asked, looking out the window through his peripheral vision.<p>

Chopper shrugged. "It's good. But I feel like it's missing something."

"Sake?"

"Not that!"

The green haired raised a brow then poked at his food. "More cheese? Eggs?"

"No, like…"

"Cotton candy?"

"Well…," the hatted reindeer hesitated, tempted to say yes. But that was like saying a sandwich needed to be drowned in sake or stuffed with meat. "What I mean is, it just doesn't taste like… usual, you know."

"Well, not everyone can be like shitty cook," the swordsman conceded.

Chopper got tears at that statement. "Zoro…"

The older quickly added. "I mean, he's got that curly-brow. Pretty sure no one else in the world has that. And – " He stopped short, as if he just realized something. "Well, there was that dude. The one with the Fishing Flies Riders."

"Who?"

"The dude that looked like the cook in his wanted poster. Duvet? Devil? Dumb-shit?" Zoro explained, eyebrows scrunched up as he tried to remember.

"You mean Duval? And the Flying Fish Riders?"

"Was that their name? I always thought they fished for flies…"

Chopper laughed.

* * *

><p>"These are the shittest sandwiches that I've ever tasted."<p>

The pickled cucumbers were all wrong, clashing horribly with the cold ham. And they were over pickled! (Yes, Sanji did know that pickles don't spoil – well, they take a really long time and he's pretty sure the café doesn't keep the vegetables _that_ long. But trust him when he says they were over-pickled for the dish.)

Still, the blond took another bite. After all, he wasn't one to waste food.

"I think it tastes great," Luffy said through a mouthful of bread. "But not as great as Sanji's cooking!"

"How can you even eat those? Worst sandwiches in my life!"

Their table was seemed to be getting glares from the staff.

"It's okay. Once you learn to digest raw toucan meat, you basically can eat anything," Ace sprayed crumbs of bread everywhere. He added. "The feathers were a pain in the ass though."

"Raw ven – version? Vent? Ve – "

"It's venison," Usopp supplied.

"Yeah! Raw deer meat! That tasted great! Like beef! And meat!" the captain added his input.

"That's because venison _is_ meat, idiot," Nami punched him in the head.

"Hey! These sandwiches aren't that bad! Once you remove the pickles!" Usopp cried in newfound revelation.

"Let me try!" Luffy's arm had shot over the table, upsetting several drinks. Luckily, Robin's magic flower hands were there to stabilize everything.

"Ow, ow! Too hot! I think my tongue's burned!" Brook flapped a bony hand in front of his mouth (well, teeth). He set down his tea. "Ah, but I don't have a tongue. Skull joke! Yohohoho!"

"Ah, I can't believe they don't have Cola. How can they not have Cola?" Franky cried rivers of tears. His sandwich was getting soaked. His plaited hair that was standing straight was deflating by every salty drop.

"I'm sure your orange juice will taste very good," Robin sipped her coffee. "Or maybe you would try to taste my coffee? It's very good."

The blond fell depressed at that. "The… shitty… café's… coffee is… better than… mine?"

The archaeologist looked taken back. "Ah, what I mean is, it's tolerable. Yours is the best of course, cook-san."

Their table was definitely getting evil looks from the staff.

"Robin-chwan! Your praise are like the wisdom of Buddha! They just enlighten my heart!" Sanji brightened up immediately, turning to the woman much like how a sunflower faced to a sun.

"Ah, is that so?"

"Yes!" the cook waved his arms around frantically, looking more like a willow this time.

"Ah! Sanji-kun! Zoro and Chopper are leaving!" Nami called out.

"Yes, Nami-swan!" he waved around at the redhead.

"Not so loud, idiot!"

* * *

><p>"Hey, Chopper. Why don't we do something a little more fun?"<p>

"What? Really? Something fun?!"

"Yeah. Let's," Zoro paused, bending down. "See how much those idiots can follow us without getting blatantly caught."

"Eh?! But aren't they already caught? Since we already know about them," Chopper asked confused.

"Well…" Shit, he was right. "…there's caught and being _caught_."

"Huh?"

"You see, we secretly caught them but they don't know that we secretly caught them. And so, to them, we actually haven't caught them yet. Makes sense?"

The reindeer tilted his head. No, it didn't make sense at all. But Zoro said they were going to have fun and he didn't doubt that.

"Okay."

"All right. Get on my back. We're going to do a little running and walking everywhere."

Yup, Chopper was totally okay with this plan, whatever it was.

"Yay! Let's go!"

"Where are they going?" By now, Sanji had given up pretending he wasn't part of the group. They might as well pretend they're some weird tourist group hell-bent on stalking some marimo head with a reindeer.

"Well…."

"He better not be taking Chopper to a bar!" Usopp whispered. "Chopper's nose is sensitive to stinky drunk men's stink!"

"Chopper-san looks like he's haven fun, no? He does love to ride on Zoro-san's shoulders," Robin commented

"Aw, no fair! I wanna ride on Zoro's shoulder too!" Luffy pouted then brightened. "I know! I'll just tell him! OI!" He started waving. "ZO – "

"Idiot! Shut up!" Ace clamped a hand over his mouth.

Luckily, the swordsman didn't turn around. Stupid lost, good-for-nothing, apparently deaf Cyclops marimo.

"If you want to ride, you can ride on my shoulders."

Sanji face palmed.

"Look! Do you want to be found out so bad – "

It was too late. Their straw hat captain was already clambering up and Ace ran around like a maniac. The D brothers let out gleeful laughter.

Not to be left out, Franky started. "Ah! Usopp-bro! Do you want to – "

The sharpshooter had ventured away from the group to examine a stall filled with odd tidbits.

"Then, Robin-sis and Nami-sis! Do you want to ride on my shoulders?!"

"NO! You block of metal!" Nami shouted.

The blond was pretty sure everyone on the street heard that. Ah, but can't be helped. Nami-swan's lovely voice deserves to be heard all over the world!

"No. It would ruin my pride as a human being," Robin said bluntly.

Franky balled tears. And Sanji was sure there's nothing weirder than a cyborg in a Hawaiian shirt and a speedo with braided hair crying his heart.

"Just getting on my shoulders would ruin your pride! Waaahh!" He paused in his wailing. "Maybe you can reconsider?"

The historian's face turned dark. "No way."

"Ah, she refused right away! Not even a second of hesitation!" the shipwright rolled around on the streets like a demented, possessed, horrendously dressed bowling ball.

"Well, don't make Robin-chwan do things that she doesn't want to!" Sanji kicked the curled up ball of metal and sent him rolling down the street.

Right towards where Zoro and Chopper were walking.

Shit.

There were a lot of shouting and pointing, all of which the pair of Straw Hats walking down the street ignored.

Everyone in the Hawaiian shirts (except for the pair down the street and the old dude sitting outside the pub, ogling at the girls did not count) gave out silent horrified gasps.

"WAIT FRAN – "

"Shhh," Ace once again clamped a hand over Luffy's mouth. "Not a word."

If he had been anyone else and they had been in less alarming circumstances, Fire Fist would've been knocked out by all the Straw Hats, cowardly or not.

"Shit! They're going to get knocked off their feet!"

"We'll be discovered!" Usopp shrieked his head off.

"It'll be a strike, no? I wonder how many points we'll get."

"Robin! People are not bowling pi – well, yeah, okay. Those idiots can be used as one. But this is not a bowling alley!"

Luckily, the man and the reindeer stopped then veered to the left.

"Yes! I knew that his sense of direction was going to come in handy someday!" Usopp nodded like he planned everything.

"So, no strike?" Robin sighed despairingly.

"Robin nee-chan!"

"I can't believe my eyes! It's a miracle. We're saved!" Brook cried, doing a ridiculous dance. "Ah, but I don't have eyes! Skull joke! Yohohoho!"

"You know what, I can't deal with this anymore. I give up. I think we should go back to the ship," Sanji sobbed, already on his knees. "That marimo will probably treat Chopper well. I'm going to stop this because I can't stand it. We're definitely going to be found out with all of you and the idiot swordsman's going to hold it over my head. Forever! This is it, guys. I'm – "

"Sanji! What are you doing?! Zoro's going to get lost!" Luffy called out from ahead.

None of his crewmates were listening, already going after the green haired man. Brook and Usopp had somehow managed to chase after Franky and stop him, but not before the cyborg crashed into the fruit stall that seemed to exclusively sell red apples. They were all bowing over and over, apologizing profusely.

"He's going to get lost anyway," the blond muttered to himself.

"Sanji-kun! Come on! We have to hurry!"

Oh, the sweet angel have called for him!

"Yes, Nami-swan! I'll surely be there for your service!" he twirled before dashing after the group.

"Yohohoho!"

"OW! Not SUPER, grandma!"

"Run away! The crazy old lady wants our heads and oddly enough, Franky's sunglasses and Brook's femur!" Usopp's terrified cries acted as parting words to the stunned street.

* * *

><p>"Let's go left, Zoro."<p>

"Left? Got it."

"Wait! That's the right!"

"Wait, are we going right?"

"No, no! We – ah, just continue down this path."

"Alright, Captain Chopper."

"Calling me 'captain' doesn't make me happy, you bastard!"

"Yes, yes. So left or right?"

"Left. That's the side you don't have your swords."

"I know what left and right is!"

"Could've fooled me."

* * *

><p>For the next hour or so, the bizarre group made twists and turns after their last two crew members. They seemed to be walking in circles sometimes and others, into parts of town that not even the townspeople themselves knew it existed. They went up and down alleys and main streets, ducking in and out of shops and behind stalls, walked back and forth across the coast, so much that they probably have every plank of the wharf and grain of sand memorized.<p>

It was a miracle that the 'Hawaiian Stalking Group' – as Sanji had silently dubbed themselves – haven't gotten arrested yet.

The green haired man, for the most part, seemed to be walking wherever his feet took him (of course, the crew – and even Ace to a certain degree – knew that even if he did have a destination in mind, they were likely to walk the same course).

The fact that they were possibly lost didn't deter the pair in front from having their fun. The Straw Hats and Ace could see how Zoro pointed out random things, like the fact that the one of the tourists they passed was wearing an overbearing hot pink hat with a large flamingo on top (rather unsuitable, considering the wearer was an old, saggy lady, possibly over 70).

There was an ample amount of giggling and startled gasps and then more giggling from the little figure on top of the taller's shoulders. There was also numerous whisperings and a times too many when the marimo turned around and the whole outlandish group had to pretend they were tourists or worse, act 'normal' (read: everyone turned into statues doing the most ridiculous poses).

Sanji was pretty sure they were already found out and the swordsman was just messing with them. Either that or the other was really a dumbass who had no sense of preservation (because if it had been the cook who was getting… _this _– it can't even be called a simple 'stalking trip' anymore – his sensors would've been high on alert and he would've either a) confronted them and kick their asses or b) report to the officials and then kick their asses).

* * *

><p>"They are so obvious," Zoro snorted. Chopper giggled into his hair.<p>

"Every time we turn around, they look so ridiculous!"

"Do they really still believe that we haven't found out? Thought they were smarter than that. Well, at least some of them. Don't know about the captain."

"I think Robin found out. Last time we turned, she was smiling – like – " Chopper flailed around with his hands as he tried to describe the woman's smile. The green haired lifted a hand to steady him. "You know how she smiles, right?"

"Like a Cheshire Cat who just witnessed a murder scene? And she liked it?"

"Ah, um, no I don't think that's it."

"Like she just got her share of coffee?"

"No, the other one. Where she looks at you and just _smiles_."

"Like she knows a secret that no one else knows?"

"Yeah! That one!"

The swordsman turned suddenly and pretended to look for a street. He zeroed in on the historian smiling discreetly. The little reindeer hiding his snickers behind his hoofs wasn't helping with the subtlety.

He turned back, as if he decided the path he was on was the right one. "Honestly, I'm not surprised. That woman knows everything."

"That's because Robin's really smart."

"Yeah and nosy enough to have eyes and ears everywhere. Literally."

"I wonder if the others found out yet. I mean, the rest seems to be fine."

"Ah, who really knows. Now Chopper, where do you want to go?"

The doctor paused. He didn't want to go the ship yet. They still had time until dinner. He wanted to go somewhere deeper inland and continue this fun.

And since this was Zoro they were talking about, he said, "I wanna go to the ship."

"The ship? Already?"

"Yep!"

The green haired paused. Was the party even ready?

But then the people who were supposed to be preparing the party was currently behind them, some pretending to be interested in the price of cabbages (like the witch would even consider those overpriced vegetables) and others pretended to be part of the fountain (someone should really stop Franky from breathing fire as he pretended to be… possibly a mermaid? That or his legs were broken).

Ship it is, party ready or not.

Zoro looked around. Wasn't the coast that way? He vaguely remembered coming from the coast. So maybe it was the other way instead?

No, can't be. He was pretty sure it was the other way. Wasn't there a shortcut there anyway?

He started walking, ignoring the new batch of fishermen heading towards the sea.

* * *

><p>"Are my ears hearing right? They going back to the ship! Ah, but I don't have ears! Yohohoho!"<p>

"Should we race back to it then?"

"I thought he'd be… you know, more distracting! I don't think we'll have enough time to put up all the decorations!"

Which was what they should initially be doing instead of stalking them but details. They had their priorities set after all.

"I don't think that would be necessary," Robin calmly disagreed.

"What do you mean, Robin-sis?"

"Let's think carefully, shall we? We all know how swordsman-san's sense of direction is… ah, extraordinary. And doctor-san, of course, knows this. So, why would he say the ship if he really wanted to go to the ship," the archaeologist inquired.

"Of course! We all know that if you want to get somewhere with Zoro, you should say the opposite of where you actually mean and you'll get there in no time! He works on some sort of weird reverse psychology," Nami deduced.

"Robin-chwan and Nami-swan are so smart!" Sanji became a whirlwind of legs and hearts.

"Oi! Luffy, Ace! Wait! Don't just dash off on your own!"

* * *

><p>In the end, the whole group followed the pair out to the meadows, in the middle of a forest at the outskirts of the town. It was opposite from the coast, pretty much the farthest point from where their ship was stationed.<p>

Zoro's sense of direction really was phenomenal.

The group hid behind some bushes too small for them. They stood out like pirate ship in the midst of Marine vessels. Brook's afro towered over the bushes like some kind of bush-hair extension.

* * *

><p>"Let's take a rest here. We've probably walked for hours now," Chopper suggested.<p>

"Alright. If you say so," Zoro sat down on the grass, letting the smaller off. "They should really take some lessons on stealth," he noted. "Any sane person would be checking why the bushes were rustling so much."

"I can see Brook's hair and Luffy's hat," the reindeer whispered to the other.

"Well, let's leave them to their… whatever they're doing." Here, the bushes shook violently and there was a whisper-yell of 'Keep it down, you idiot!'. That was definitely the shitty cook.

"What should we do?" the doctor asked. He hadn't plan this far. All he wanted to stay on the island and still have fun.

The green haired was at a lost at the question. He hadn't thought ahead to this. He figured, they'll get to the ship _eventually_. He didn't expect to take a rest on a meadow in the middle of fucking nowhere (how did they end up here? The island was too confusing, moving the streets every minute).

It was Chopper's birthday so he should sing a song right? But not 'Happy Birthday' because they were going to sing that at the party (which he wasn't sure was happening or not, considering the situation right now). And the cook would kill him for ruining the surprise, especially since it was '_Nami-swan's_' idea.

Ah, what the hell.

"I'll sing you a song."

"That idiot! He better not – "

"Sanji-kun, keep it down!"

You keep it down, witch, Zoro thought.

"Really?" the 17, soon-to-be 18 (man, they grow up so fast) reindeer's eyes went wide. "You'll sing me a song?"

"Yeah. Uh, pick a song." He paused. "That I would possibly know."

Chopper was quiet for a while. "I know! Since it's near Christmas – " Shit, he better not realize that it's his birthday and ask me to sing 'Happy Birthday' " – sing 12 Days of Christmas! It's a classic."

"Ah, really?"

Phew, dodged a bullet. Now how did that song go again…

"Um… I'll probably get some lyrics wrong."

"That's okay. Try your best," the doctor encouraged.

Zoro cleared his throat. He hoped his voice was in tune. Everyone wouldn't let him live it down, those bastards.

His clear bass voice rang out through the field.

"_On the first day of Christmas, my – "_ who was it again? True… truth-er? No, that can't be right. Eh, he was pretty sure the last time he sang it was at the dojo and they sang it with 'sensei'. Whatever works.

" – _sensei gave to me – "_

"It's 'true love'! Not 'sensei'!" the little reindeer screeched.

"Ah, was it? Sorry," the bigger patted the creature absentmindedly. He was more occupied with trying to guess how the rest of the sentence went.

It was something about a bird in a tree right? Now, the question was what kind of bird and tree was it… something about a turkey and a fruit tree? No that can't be right either. He was sure it was a fruit tree but the turkey was off. Maybe chicken? It was universally eaten all year round anyway.

He decided. You can't go wrong with chicken.

" – _a chicken in a fruit tree." _

A series of 'What the fuck is he doing?!', 'How can he not remember such a simple song?!' and 'Shishishishi! Chicken in a fruit tree!' came from the general direction of the bush.

"It's 'a partridge in a pear tree'! Partridge in a pear tree! Zoro!" Chopper was outraged.

"Sorry, sorry. I'll sing the next line right."

"You better."

"_On the second day of Christmas, my sensei gave to me." _

Here everyone save for the swordsman face palmed.

"_Two – " _what was it again? Ah, well, whatever. Just follow his instincts. _" – turtle ducks and a chicken in a fruit tree." _

"Turtle doves! I don't think turtle ducks exist!"

The bush rustled again. "Now he's making up animals just to suit his conveniences!"

That was Nami. Definitely her.

"_On the third day of Christmas, my sensei gave to me. Three – " _Shit, shit, shit. It was French something… Zoro sang the first thing that popped in his mind after 'French'. _"French fries, two turtle ducks and a chicken in a fruit tree." _

He thought he heard what sounded like snickers from the bush before a giant collective 'SHHH!" was heard.

"It's not French fries! There's no food in there! Why would your true love give you three measly French fries?!"

"I don't know. Luffy would like that," the taller pointed out.

"No, I wouldn –mmph!" Said boy had to be dog piled to prevent him from shouting out anything else. He pouted. "I'd like to get meat more."

The whole crew, minus Zoro and Chopper, and Ace sighed.

"Not everyone's Luffy!" the reindeer shouted.

"Right. Let's continue." Where was he again? _"On the fourth day of Christmas, my sensei gave to me. Four – _" Argh, why was lyrics so hard to remember? Screw it. _"cooking birds – "_

"NO! That's not it!"

"Aw, but cooked birds are delicious," Luffy's voice carried over the meadow. Can't they keep it down over there? It was just so obvious.

"Not if they toucans." Okay, what the actual fuck, Ace? What kind of input was that?

"Ah, you know what," the swordsman sighed heavily. "Screw it. I'll sing you another song."

The hatted boy-reindeer chewed his lip thoughtfully. "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?"

"Ah, that one…." He didn't know the lyrics to that one either. He only knew the tune.

"Yeah, the one that starts with _'you know Dasher and Dancer and Prance –_ '"

"Wait, it starts with that?"

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure."

Well, crap. He didn't know that part. He was so screwed.

"Alright. I can't guarantee that it'd be perfectly as the original. But I'll try."

A snort came from the bush. Zoro was seriously thinking about attacking the thing under the pretense of 'fighting unknown wild animals'.

"I don't think you can get any worse from the first one," the doctor muttered. He ignored that.

"_You know Dashing and Dancing and Pratting and… Boxing, and Comics and – "_

"I was wrong. You _can_ get worse from the 12 Days of Christmas."

Chopper looked close to tears. The swordsman felt a pang of guilt.

"All right. How about this? Since I know the tune to that, I'll make up my own lyrics and sing that. Sounds fair?"

"But…"

"It'll be the best lyrics you ever heard," Zoro vowed.

"Yeah right." Stupid Sanji. He was so going to get it when they get back on the ship.

"Go, Zoro-bro!" And Franky too. Hell, just throw in the whole lot in. Even Ace, guest or not.

"You sure you won't make some random guesses about chickens and French fries?"

He definitely heard snickering from the bushes this time. They were never going to let him live that down. "Promise."

"Okay."

"…_Chopper the Blue-Nosed Reindeer," _he started. The other eyes started shining with stars.

"What the fuck is that idiot doing?!" Can't the cook give him a break? Jeez.

"_Had a very blue-ue nose. But that doesn't really matter. When you're with the Straw Hat crew." _

"Zoro," Chopper whimpered, tears filling his eyes.

"_We have all kinds of noses. Long nose, metal nose and bone." _He blatantly ignored the 'Yohohoho! But Zoro-san, I don't have a nose!'

"_We even have one that stretches. So noses don't matter at all. "_

"Noses aren't even a topic to be sung about! He should've done something else like - "

"Food!"

" – money."

Oh, right. Because those topics were so much more interesting than noses.

"_Assassin nose li-ike books, red nose is a bitch." _Here, there were a loud protests, mainly a 'Fucking marimo!' and 'His debt is so raised by 500%!'.

"_Sword nose is the most awesome, curly nose is a-nnoy-ing."_

Whatever protest the cook was making was smothered by the others. He idly wondered if anyone would be kind enough to knock the blond out.

"_But everyone loved blue nose, and they called him doc-a-tor. Chopper the Blue-Nosed Reindeer  
>You'll go down in history."<em>

The man finished and was immediately tackled by a crying reindeer. He awkwardly rubbed circles on the other's back.

"Shit, dude. I wouldn't have sang it if I knew you were going to cry."

"Shut up, idiot! I'm not crying because I'm happy. Because I'm not happy at all!" the smaller sniffled.

"ZORO!" Before anyone could react, a rubber hand flew out and attached itself to the green haired man's shoulder.

"Wait, Luffy!"

A moment later, Ace and Luffy slammed into the swordsman. The older brother had somehow managed to grab onto the younger before he flew off.

"Hi," the straw hatted boy grinned breathlessly.

"Don't just 'Hi' me after you fucking tackled me!" Zoro immediately hit him on the head.

"Shishishi. Zoro's mad."

"LUFFY! You just gave us away!"

Ah, the banshee had appeared in her all her red rage.

"You idiot!"

He wasn't sure if the cook was yelling at him or Luffy. Probably both.

"Ah, hey, Zoro-kun. How… surprising to see you here! Just as I planned! Er, I mean, just as I _did not_ plan. Because we weren't stalking you at all. Nope," Usopp emerged nervously.

"Yo, Zoro-bro! That was a great song! Made me cry manly tears!"

"Yohohoho! I hope we can do a second verse to that! It just makes my heart soar and my hands itch to start playing!" He paused. "Ah! But I don't have a heart! And my hands can't itch. Double skull joke! Yohohoho!"

"My, Zoro-san. That was quite the… improvisation."

"So you guys finally decided to come out?" he asked.

"Yea – wait what?!" the blond squawked. "You _knew?!_"

"It's not very hard to spot a group of weirdos wearing Hawaiian shirts tailing you everywhere and pretending they were fountain statues."

"Franky! I told you the fire breathing was overdoing it!" Usopp berated the bigger.

Right, because that was the only thing that was overdone.

"OW, Usopp-bro! It's all about style!" the blue haired man struck a pose.

"Wait, you mean, _that_ – " here, Nami gestured to… well, all of him so he wasn't sure which 'that' she meant. " – wasn't just your terrible fashion but you were… you were _mocking _us?!"

Zoro looked down in surprise at his Hawaiian shirt. He had honestly forgotten about that.

"Maybe. Or maybe it's just my terrible fashion sense talking."

"ARGH! Mister, your debt is raised by 800%!"

"I wonder since when you figured it out."

Fucking Robin, looking so smug and secretive. When did _she_ figure it out?

"You – you – " Sanji spluttered.

"Have I finally broke you?" Zoro pondered out loud. He reached out to poke the cook and quickly retracted his hand. If not, he was pretty sure it would've been broken beyond repair. That foot was fast.

"You _marimo!_" the other hissed, like it was the best insult he could come up with. "Here, we worked so hard to make sure we weren't caught, and only to make sure that you weren't being a screw up and you just went and ruin all of it! You dumbass Neanderthal marimo!"

"Ah, Sanji-san. I think – " Brook started.

"SHUT UP! I'm talking to the marimo here!" The skeleton visibly recoiled.

"Sanji – " Chopper intervened, sniffling. "No, everyone. Let's go back to the ship. It's getting dark."

If it had been anyone else and not a female, they would've been given the worst of the backlashes. But however, since this was Chopper and it was his birthday and really, who could refuse those cute teary puppy eyes, the blond relented.

"Yay! The ship!" Luffy cheered. "But wait! We still need to – "

"Shh. Shush, Lu."

"Still need to what?" the reindeer asked innocently.

Nami sighed. "Argh. I guess we can't keep it a secret any longer." Here she turned to the birthday boy. "Since it's your birthday, we decided to throw you a surprise party. Surprise!"

"Eh?!"

"Of course, since we decided to… go on an expedition trip – " she ignored the snort from Zoro. " – the decorations aren't up yet."

"Eh?! It's my birthday?" the doctor asked, wide eyed.

There was a brief pause of silence. Then a collective "EH?! You didn't know?" rang throughout the forest.

"Eheheh. I guess I kind of forgot. I knew it was going to be sometime this week or so, it's close to Christmas after all. But I didn't think it was today," the youngest scratched his head. He continued. "I mean, it's not like we kept up to date when we're out on the sea. And we lost the calendar in the men's quarter. So…."

"What?! You lost the calendar?" the redhead was all violence, threatening to hit the first one to speak up. Now they'll have to waste money buying calendar.

"Uh, no?"

'_Usopp, you really are the bravest warrior of the sea,'_ the men in the Straw Hat crew thought.

"I mean, kind of?"

"Yes or no?"

"Well… it dropped into the Cockroach Pile," the long nosed said like it explained everything.

"And no one thought to fish it out?! What are you? Idiots?!" she bellowed. "Wait, don't answer that."

"Nami-swan! You don't understand! The Cockroach Pile isn't something that you can just go fishing in! It's a pile. Full of cockroaches," Sanji explained, going paler by every word. "We've lost so many things to it. Like my favorite tie."

"And one of my paintbrushes. It was the best one."

"And I've lost tons of screws in there."

"I think my ukele is down there. It's the only place I haven't checked. It makes my afro stand on the ends."

"And I dropped a piece of meat in there before!" Luffy said despairingly. For him, that was quite possibly the saddest thing in the world.

"It's just a pile of cockroaches. You guys are men! Be fearless and clean it up!"

"You obviously haven't met those cockroaches before," Zoro muttered.

Ace nodded in thought. "Ah, it must one of _those_ piles. The ones that had been left for so long that the most terrifying insects start living in it."

"See, Ace understands!" Usopp exclaimed.

"We have one of those on the Moby Dick too. Two in fact."

All the men shuddered.

"The one in the north is the Spider Lair. The one down south is called the Buzzing Nest. You do _not_ want to know what kind of things buzz down there."

"Seems quite interesting. I wonder if any of these piles have man-eating insects," Robin wondered out loud.

"Don't make it so morbid!"

"Ah, well, I think we should head back to the ship and start the party. It's almost dusk now."

"Good idea, Robin-chwan!"

* * *

><p>"Yohohoho! We should sing Zoro-san's song while we put up the decorations!" Brook brought out his violin and played the first few measures of 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer'. "Zoro-san, start!"<p>

"What? Uh, _Chopper the Blue-Nosed Reindeer, had a very _– what did I say it was again?"

"I think it was blue?" Usopp ventured as he helped brought out drinks.

"Wasn't it a cold nose?" Franky set the table on the deck.

"Ah, I'm pretty sure it was a stretchy nose," Ace added his input.

"That's your brother's!" Nami snapped.

"Meat nose!"

"Ah, man. I don't know anymore. I only made those words up on a whim," Zoro confessed.

"Looks like you're getting to be an old man now, marimo."

"Look who's talking. We're the same age!"

"Shishishishi! Sanji! Meat! Cake!"

"That needs time, you idiot! Wait here!"

"Well, this certainly is fun. Ne, doctor-san?"

"Calling me doctor won't make me happy, you bitch!" But Chopper silently agreed. While having a surprise party was all well and good, it was better to work together with the whole crew and have fun together.

And so, the party went well underway. Chopper was delighted with all of his presents. He was going to treasure that picture book from Usopp and the Botanical Plants: Volume XXIV from Robin. The bottles of numerous spices from Sanji was definitely going to come in handy when the next battle happens. And so were Zoro's empty bottles to store medicine and extra bandages (the swordsman said he was repaying him back for all the bandages used on him. It hardly matters though since Chopper knew these were going on Zoro anyway.)

Brook's composition of various Christmas songs, 'Happy Brithday' and what sounded like Moonlight Sonata (though he can't be sure over the sound of Franky singing) was absolutely touching. Franky's snow machine made him nostalgic and Nami's cotton candy machine (a shame it was only rented) was much used to make cotton candy sandwiches. Ace's rushed present of a new stethoscope was more than enough.

And best of all, Luffy's present of a crumpled piece of origami (the captain claimed it was a reindeer), a few pink sakura that he got from god-knows-where and a rather damaged looking earmuff (not dirty, just… damaged _somehow_).

It was the best party ever, despite the snow machine overheating and blowing up in the end and the rented cotton candy machine almost getting blown up as a chain reaction. The fact that Nami yelled herself hoarse and a lot of heads fell victim to her fist, Robin actually drank booze this time (and her being drunk was something they don't want to see again), Ace almost lit the whole ship on fire (he too should be kept away from alcohol), Franky's Strong Right malfunctioned again and tore a hole through the galley did not deter them from having fun to the fullest.

* * *

><p>"Ah, man, I'm dead beat. Who knew making lyrics was so hard?"<p>

"Meat…. meat…."

"I think Luffy's sleep talki – OI! Stop drooling on my shoulder, you stupid little brother!"

"Who knew Christmas songs were so delightful?! Yohohoho!"

"We should've dressed the marimo as a Christmas tree. He's green enough and all we need to do is wrap him around in Christmas lights."

"Shut it cook. You're the one wearing a horrible Hawaiian shirt."

"You are too, shitty swordsman!"

"Mine's not as eye damaging as yours!"

"Shut up, you idiots! It's already past one! How much longer are you going to stay up?"

"Nami-swan!"

"Ah, I need more Cola. I can feel all the cogs slowing down."

"Well, good night boys. Don't let the carnivorous cockroaches bite."

"ROBIN/ROBIN-CHWAN!"

The men did not get much sleep that night.

* * *

><p><em>Hey. <em>

_Sorry for the lateness. But this is Chopper's birthday, Christmas and Ace's birthday all rolled in one. They were all pretty close and I knew I was going to take a long time so why not? Just roll them up like a giant snowball. Or a Californian roll. Whichever you prefer. _

_Sorry for any grammar mistakes. Editing was a pain. The story just kept evolving and evolving and it ended up more than 10K. And the characterizations. I hope they were okay. I'm a bit out of practice writing One Piece. And I usually mainly write Zoro and Sanji with cameos of the other Straw Hats so this was kind of a challenge, to write a lot of characters in one fic. And make them have equal screen time. _

_I think Robin went rather well. Ace could've been tweaked a little. I don't know. Tell me what you think. _

_Merry (really late) Christmas and Happy (late) New Year! And Happy (really really really late) Birthday, Chopper! _

_Thanks for reading!_


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